On being assertive

Aggressive: Doing what serves you with no respect for others – “We are going to THIS movie. Why do you even want to see that one?”

Passive-aggressive: Communicating in a cynical way –  “Great, let’s go to THAT movie”

Assertive: Stating your beliefs or preferences while respecting others’ – “I’d love to see a movie with you, but not that one.  Can we pick one we both like?”

You choose how you communicate.

Validation and value

Get 100 employees in a room and you’ll be hard-pressed to reach unanimous agreement on anything other than raising salaries.  We’d all prefer to be paid more.  There’s something else we have in common: a need to feel valued, respected, and that what we do matters.  Not just in our jobs.

Some difficult people are that way because they feel unacknowledged.  You strengthen any relationship by recognizing out loud that a person’s work, input, or very presence is appreciated, and that they do in fact matter.

Take a few seconds to acknowledge someone.

What they think of me

From an evolutionary perspective, we’re wired to care deeply about what others think of us. This was a valid concern thousands of years ago when reputations among our group impacted our livelihood, and often our very lives.

But we’ve outgrown parts of evolution.  We can worry about what ‘they’ think, or ask why we care in the first place.

If you realized how little they actually do think of you, you would worry less about it, and just get on with being you.