Ethical hack

Sometimes the voice of our ancient, inner primate lures us towards decisions that we know will be harmful. In other words, we know it’s “wrong” but we still want to do it. This can produce an agonizing internal ethical debate.

One hack to allow your higher-self to gain control is to consider how you’ll feel afterward. Let the feeling (often guilt) sink in. Ruminating in the awful hangover rather than the short-term taste of the drink can diminish the thrill of drinking.

Drinking of course is a metaphor for any decision that you know doesn’t serve you.

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Here is what’s most important when comforting others

There is no shortage of examples showing how stereotypical male and female conversations break down due to differences in communication style. Getting past the stereotypes though, a person’s emotional state, as well as their intentions for communicating, are important but not always obvious.

It’s critical to realize that there are multiple states of distress, so being helpful depends less on their identities and attributes (men/women, young/old, communication style) and more on their present state.

They may feel bad and NOT want to feel better (just how quickly do you want to feel “good” about the death of a loved one?) At times it’s best to validate and allow people to express their grief.  On the other hand, they may be feeling horrible and ready to feel better, in which case advice will be more welcomed.

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How helping others helps you

A study measured the time it took for children to quickly sift through hundreds of rubber balls to collect the one with their names on them.  The second time around, they were instructed to help one another find the balls with their names on them.  As you’d guess, they achieved the same outcome in less than half the time by helping others reach their goals.

You don’t see many books with titles like ‘The top 10 ways to help others achieve success.”  Perhaps it’s not intuitive, but assisting others in getting what they want is the fastest route to finding the metaphorical rubber ball with your name on it.

Who are you helping today?