High quality questions to help you get unstuck

1. What would be ideal? (I find this to be MUCH more informative than “what do you want?” or “what would make you happy?”)

2. What one thing can I let go of such that my level of stress will be significantly reduced? 

3. Can I convert this thought or belief from shame/fear to hope/compassion? 

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What I learned about codependence

There are multiple books (and psychologists) that specialize in helping people with codependence. I’m hoping that my brief definition and summary of my personal lessons are of help to many others. Briefly: to be codependent is to have an over-inflated sense of responsibility for others’ feelings. It’s the desire to meet others’ needs at the expense of your own. As challenging as it is to embody these principles, here are a few things to internalize: – When there’s a choice to honor your needs or others’ needs, choose your own. – Putting yourself first is not selfish. It’s a radical act of self-love. – You are not the antidote for how anyone else feels. 

How to apply what you learn

When you consume a lot and are in learning mode, whether via mentors, books, lectures, seminars, or podcasts, there are better and worse ways to internalize what you learned. One thing that helps me turn a chunk of new knowledge into something immediate and actionable is to ask these two questions: Based on what I just learned…

1. What will I commit to start or stop doing?

2. What perspective have I gained that converts to valuable advice?