The illusion of control

The “close door” button on elevators isn’t connected to anything. Pushing it does absolutely nothing. We often believe we have control over circumstances that we don’t. This can work against you. We might blame ourselves for outcomes which were never under our control. That’s just as true for the outcome of a product launch, the stock market, to how our children turn out. Of course you influence these things. But there are far more variables that lead to the outcome for you to assume full responsibility. Next time you’re placing blame on yourself because of an unwanted outcome, try to look for the (many) other factors that have contributed to it.

The other communication skill

The U.S. education system teaches three kinds of communication: speaking (think grammar and presentation skills), reading and writing. There is a fourth communication category that’s hugely important: listening. Chances are, if you have knowledge of active listening, empathetic listening, “I” statements, and other related skills, you learned them outside of academics. You can make big communication skill leaps by learning and applying good listening skills. My goal isn’t to teach you listening skills in a few sentences, but to urge you to think of them as every bit as important and technical as delivering a speech or interpreting the written word.

You 2.0

It’s a useful analogy to equate uses of our attention to using apps or software. There are bugs to fix with each new upgrade, and enough introspection reveals that we’ve been running some old programs that may have been appropriate at one time, but have outlived their usefulness. The thought of new software or an update to existing software makes all of us nervous, as we know there will be changes we’ll have to get used to. You should occasionally reflect on your uses of time and energy, and make sure you’re running programs that improve your personal operating system, and aren’t just running because they’ve always been.