When bad things happen

I find it valuable to do this post-game analysis after unpleasant events:

Ask myself if (a) I was part of the cause, or (b) something actually happened “to” me. – If (a) I decide what I’ll do or stop doing so I don’t repeat mistakes. – If (b) I recognize some things as out of my control, and move on.

Easier said than done.  But so are most things that enhance our mental lives.

Measure what matters

This is the easiest time in history to measure anything – your popularity on Instagram; your weight; last month’s sales; average miles per gallon; the number of people you helped last week.

Since “what gets measured gets managed” (from Peter Drucker), perhaps our top priority before moving on with our week should be to decide WHAT should get measured.

How much more accomplished would we feel if we focused on these vital few things, versus the trivial many that are easily measured but don’t matter?

Guilt and shame

A psychology study in a prison revealed that about 90% of those incarcerated were told by their parents that they would end up in jail.

Guilt comes from remorse for something we’ve done.  Shame appears when we believe we ARE “bad”. This is the difference between thinking you did a bad thing and believing you are a bad thing.

The distinction between admonishing a child’s behavior, versus equating bad behavior with their identity may be the difference between raising a respectable human and a criminal.  Same truth applies to adults.  Let’s be careful how we talk to one another, and how we talk to ourselves.