A better way to ask for advice

It’s wise to ask the advice of those whose wisdom we respect.  But there are better and worse ways to do that.

Asking “what would you do if you were me?” is not so useful, as everyone has different fears, perceptions, and experiences that influence their answer.  Also, the advice-giver will not have to live with the consequences of the advice or decisions.  You will.

Therefore, I find it best to ask: “How would you encourage me to think about this?”  What we really need from smart people with sound judgment – even more than what their conclusions are – is how they arrived there.

Stop saying or even thinking this!

Asking things like “why does this always happen to me?” is detrimental to our well-being.  Your subconscious doesn’t understand rhetorical questions and immediately goes to work on answers.

You will only uncover negative answers like “because I’m not worthy” or “because I always make bad decisions”.  Always replace “Why is this happening to me?” with “What is the smartest thing to do next?”

This creates an inclination towards action and automatically bulldozes negativity.  It’s not possible to simultaneously problem-solve and beat yourself up.

Know what you’re buying and selling

Earning a living as an employee is such a common construct that it seems like everyone is trading time for money.  But some businesses and consultants sell outcomes, not time.

When you pay for an outcome, speed is an advantage.  To complain about paying a large sum of money for a job that only took one hour to complete is to totally miss what you’re really paying for: potentially decades of experience that made that one hour possible.