Optimize for how you feel

To manifest the ideal relationship, first list all the qualities that you desire in a person.  Next, burn that list and make a new list of how you want to feel in that relationship.

The cash value of all human connections lies in how both parties feel.  Your actual experience (not someone else’s attributes) dictates the positive mental states that you care about.  You want to FEEL loved, safe, sexy, beautiful, significant, supported, understood, trusted…

The moral? Don’t ask yourself what you want.  Ask how you want to feel when you get it.

Where true motivation comes from

Sparks of inspiration don’t empower us for long.  The meme that inspired you to believe in yourself…that encouraging quote…those won’t affect long-term motivation.  You are motivated by what you believe is possible.

The master variable is Progress.  “Learn to speak Chinese” is a life-long project.  “Learn to introduce myself in Chinese” is a quick win with unmistakable progress that empowers and motivates you to persist.

[FYI: This blog post is the 3×5 card summary of my 1-hour keynote presentation that shows you the science of achievement.]

Control freak?

The road we travel is imperfect.  The terrain is tough, the path is uphill, working against us and making it difficult to move forward.  It’s wise to do all you can – to use influence, hard work, and help from others to find your path.

Too often, people who do this are labeled “control freak”.

What’s smarter: complaining that the entire planet isn’t carpeted or putting on a pair of shoes?  There’s enough outside our control.  It makes sense to control whatever we can, and ignore the “control freak” label.